Appreciate Your Life

Life is short.  I'd like to think I'm about 1/3 of the way through, more or less, (if I'm healthy and lead a safe life).  And that's scary!  I have so much left I want to do and so many people I have yet to meet.  How do I make the best of what I am doing right now to ensure that the next 2/3's of my life are beautiful and the way I want it?

Appreciate it!  Don't take life for granted!  Don't abuse ourselves and those around us.  Don't judge ourselves and those around us.  Be here now.  All we have is right here.

I lost my full-time job over a month ago.  It's for the better, there is no question; they presented themselves differently than how they actually acted.  So, I am currently unemployed and didn't qualify for unemployment, therefore I'm making zero income.  Sure, I could take a barista job or some other part-time gig, but I want something I believe in.  I want to work in my field.  Yoga & Health.

On top of this, I moved to NYC under the impression that I would be renting my house on Cape Cod in order to afford my rent in the city.  My tenant decided not to pay me and I am in the midst of eviction.  Have you ever had to evict someone?  The law is not on the side of the landlord no matter how much you believe you are in the right.  And believe me, morally, I am in the right.  My tenant owes me for 4 months of rent and he is STILL living in my house, because I can't legally kick him out.  I have been going through so many conflicting feelings.  Turns out those feelings help lead a horrible life.  I feel powerless by someone I trusted my own home with and by the law.  And to have to fight (and pay) for my rights to my house is absurd to me.  I cannot understand it.  And have no desire to.  I am oftentimes angry, defeated, sad, betrayed, helpless, vulnerable, confused and so so frustrated.

I truly believe I am a good person and yet somehow all of this is in my life.  People say we attract everything in our lives.  Did I attract all of these things?  What does that say about what sort of person I really am?  This scares me.  This makes me want to run away from my life and never look back.  This makes me question the choices I have made to get me where I am and what I've done to deserve this in my life.

But then I drop it.  Although it's present in my life, I can either choose to let these heavy issues eat me up and spit me out on the wrong side of the bed every morning or I can focus on what my present moment is -- I am enjoying a cup of tea next to my sleeping kitten and beautiful blossoming plants in a lovely little studio apartment in Brooklyn where I have space to practice Yoga, shower, cook and breath easy.  I know money will come back into my life when the time is right.  I know a good job will come as I continue my search.  I know my tenant will get out sooner than later now that I have begun the eviction process.  I know that I will find an honest tenant next time around.  I know that I will be happy.

But most of all, I know that I am happy.  I appreciate the little things.  I love my life.  I love the people in my life.  It's too short to focus on the things that I loathe and want out of my life.  They will go when they're ready to go.  In the meantime, I put my focus on what I want, who I want and how I am going to get them.  I am so thankful to have this outlook and so thankful to have my life in my own hands.

Light of Consciousness

Love life.  Give it your all and hope for the best.  It won't always be the way you thought you wanted it to be, but it will work out for the best.  I know it.  Live that!