Observing Patience in an Impatient World

We humans often look for themes that resonate through our lives and I seem to have finally opened to one that has followed me for decades.  Perhaps it is something that people in their late twenties/early thirties encounter more so than any other time of our lives, or perhaps it is because I am living in the thick of it in NYC.

The theme is:

PATIENCE.  The willingness to persist.

My sister.

Practicing patience has had an enormous influence in my life since I was 2 years old, when my younger sister was born.  She is special needs.  This has greatly affected every decision I (and my family) have ever made.  Her presence in my life introduced me to both the gift and struggle patience presents me.

I recognize I have misunderstood patience for years.  I thought being patient meant bearing hardship.  As I stood by "patiently" waiting for my life to take off, I managed to lose my voice; I lost my ability to communicate and find what I truly wanted.  I believed my sister's needs were more important than mine.  It's taken me years to break that barrier.

In the midst of studying acting, I discovered this loss; actor's don't have to have their own voices heard, rather a character's and/or playwright's instead.  Compulsively, I left this self-evaluative study to take a flying leap into NYC where I began to practice Yoga fervently.  I wanted to find myself all at once and become me immediately!  I stepped away from the world of patience and began to run directly into my own vulnerability, searching for my authentic self as quickly as possible.  Total irony, right?

This did not work.  In fact I ended up moving in the opposite direction.  I lost any sense of patience and, with it, my sense of purpose.

As I continued to move, Yoga became a mainstay in my life.  Yoga had always allowed space for me to find a connection to myself, slowly but surely.

Today, months after stepping away from a deeply committed long-distance relationship that was engulfed in my own convoluted version of patience, where I carelessly sacrificed my own voice for his needs (finding myself back at ground-zero), I have had to regain my confidence and my voice all over again.

Somehow this lesson continues to present itself to me and I have finally begun to appreciate what is true patience (the willingness to persist) for the value it provides my life.

Here in NYC, I find people talk with me about patience on a daily basis.  Living in the city, patience is an important tool to cultivate in order to move through life with a little more ease and grace.  There is so much to do and so little time and space to sit with ourselves.  How do we open to patience when we can contact whomever we like via cell phone in text, facebook, email, twitter, linkedin, google+, etc in just a moment?  And why do we never call one another anymore?  Are we afraid of hearing our own and each others voices and vulnerabilities?  Have we lost patience amongst our own friends and loved ones?  Relationships these days seem so disconnected.

Finally, how do we cope with what we have lost and with what we have yet to receive?

Open to Vulnerability

The practice of patience is the practice of living in the moment.  Practice with intention.  Silence the "monkey mind," live here and now.  If we can open our hearts and minds to vulnerability we will find our authentic selves.  Silencing the need for hope and sitting with the understanding that this is what is, right now, that there is no other moment but this one, we will cultivate the practice of patience.  We will let go of the artificial and unreal.  We will live fully in our bodies.  We will speak from a genuine place with integrity and peace.

What is your theme?  Have you given yourself the space to open to it and learn from it?